Sunday, May 15, 2011

It'sYOUR job to be encouraging!

Shut your gob and listen girlies!
I'm sad tonight.
I've seen yet another case of a friend saying
"My marriage is hard work, I want out" and a dozen girls replying
"YEAH, leave his sorry ass!"
(cue pitchforks and burning brands).

I'm sorry. But since WHEN did it become our job to decide others relationships fate?



What happened to better or worse? Does worse only apply when it's glamorous? Do you imagine a man in a wheelchair (who still manages to be wickedly satisfying around 'o' just when the poor heroine needs release), doing his bravest to get back to full strength...      Is that what you think of as worst?

The truth is, often the worst is that apathetic state, when you've lost touch, sex is a chore if you can even bring yourself to do it, meals go unappreciated, quality time needs go unmet, dreams fade and a couple drifts further and further apart, wondering what they ever saw in each other. (Oh, this breaks my heart!)

When my marriage was failing, yet again, the best friend I had was the one encouraging me to try again, just one more time. To look at the problem from his point of view and to work with me on ways to get back 'on track'. Only when emotional abuse + adultery + my sheer, hysterical fear of his return from a business trip = my friend suggesting it was time to trial some time apart to see if I could let him close enough to me again work through the issues. She was gold. I could trust that she wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear, what was easiest to say to get me to shut up so she could talk about her own issues.

I'm not suggesting we condone violence, nor serious mental or emotional abuse. But ladies, if your friend hasn't even asked her husband/partner to work on the issues, let alone waited for him to say yes/no to counselling, it's not your place to tell her to get out. It's your place to listen. Be a supportive friend. Especially if kids are involved, it's imperative they try everything else and then some to make the relationship work.

In good times, and in bad, for better or worse you are a best friend and should have her best interests at heart, not just the quick answer telling her the truth. Love your friend, want only the best for her, but use wisdom. Often the best is the personal growth that comes with renewal of an intimate relationship.

And remember, love is a verb, even in a friendship. Buy her a book, drive her to a counselling session, or ring around to find her an appointment. Be proactive in your love for your friend, so demonstrating how she can be proactive in her love to her partner. Sometimes it's just enough to kick us over the line into wanting to try again, when someone demonstrates active love.

OK, enough ramble. Just... think, really think before you speak.
This is someone's life you're speaking into.

No comments:

Post a Comment